I've been thinking a lot lately about how our circumstances shape us and mold us and most importantly, what they evoke from within us and what they can teach us. I don't really know if this blog post is going to be about that topic. But I felt like I just needed to get it out there. It needed to escape the confines of my mind, even if I don't elaborate.
I started my new job! This is my third week and I feel a lot more comfortable. The first week was rough. It was really rough. There were a lot of tears. Trust me. I felt extremely supported and actually being at work was bearable. Prayers were answered and I felt Heavenly Father's love & the many prayers of loved ones. But every night when I got home I would just fall apart. Poor Shawn. I was really trying to be strong and positive and not be a Debbie Downer, but there just was no pushing aside these new emotions that I was experiencing. That first week was mostly difficult because I felt so disconnected from Miles when I got home. That first week he seemed to adjust easily to me being gone and that was hard on my momma heart. I was happy he was good for Shawn, but for my sake, I wanted him to be miserable without me. (Selfish...) I think we've found a happy medium. He's just such a happy and good-natured boy, that he's usually pretty happy all day but he's back to being excited for me to be home and if he's awake when I leave he's a little fussy after I leave. So I'm down to occasional cries and I feel that's a good place for me. It feels good to still feel the emotion of it---know my heart is still knit to my dear family.
There haven't been many absolutely thrilling things going on here. Life has been good. Really good. But I have just been adjusting to the new schedule, and it hasn't allowed for many adventures. But here are some musings of my mind lately. And some pictures that I am fortunate enough to take when I'm with Miles and Shawn, or that I receive as little rays of sunshine through my day.
| I need to get out and move. I don't like sitting at a desk all day. I just think about going home and riding my bicycle in the cool evening air. | I sit in a cubicle at work, tucked away from flow of traffic and so since I'm not at a front desk anymore I'm loving some podcast time. Any suggestions? I like happy ones. | We are loving the postseason of the MLB. Dad set up a tv in the backyard and the fire pit and we roast marshmallows while watching the evening baseball game. LOVE. | I'm sad that Whitney Houston died. Her music is so great. Right now I'm really loving, "Greatest Love of All" | I'm scared my family will get Ebola. I'm scared we will all get Ebola and I will be the only one to survive and be left with the emptiness of life without my family and the horror of the memories of watching them suffer. | I am SO happy that it's cooling down here in AZ. The evenings are absolutely heaven. But conference weekend was a shock. I just wanted to pull out a hoodie and cuddle up. It's a good think though that it isn't that chilly here yet. All of our warmer things are in storage still. haha | I have the best friends in the entire world. All of them have reached out to me at least once in the past 3-4 weeks to check-in with me. I love them. | Shawn's parents are coming to visit this weekend (coming today, actually!) and I'm so excited to see them. I'm so so excited for them to spend time with Miles. | I'm reading, "These Is My Words" and I am loving it. I'm 75 pages in and people have lived through incredible circumstances and experiences. People are strong. | I'm in a goal-making mood. Do you ever feel like you just want to make changes? Improve? I am just feeling an itching to work on something and improve and watch my progress. | I hate mosquitoes. | This is my absolute favorite season of Project Runway I have ever seen. So entertaining! I feel like the kid in high school that just wants to be part of the group---watching from the outside, just wishing I could join them. It's so entertaining! And enjoyed in good company (waggling eyebrows)! |
2 comments:
Now you made me want to start project runway! I'm glad work is going well. I'm very grateful humans are adaptable and that little kids don't remember much! There are soooo many things to feel guilty about as a mom that I have to keep reminding my self that Camden will mostly remember what I have pictures of! Hang in there! I can't wait to come down and see you in November! Miles looks so big!
Thanks, Nicole! Speaking of feeling guilty, we went on a date last night and I put Miles outside with my mom. Shawn was concerned with all the Mosquitos. I did my best to spray around Miles and I said, “Oh, he'll be fine!” This morning he has about 15 bites. *feeling awful* But I can't wait to see you guys! It's so soon!!
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